I have failed to erase it completely from my mind. The thoughts and the flashbacks continue to haunt me. The anger alleviates and it pulls me from these disturbing surroundings and thoughts. Thanks to the anger inside me. Thanks to the latent hatred for them inside me. I have not been so bad to them either. This hatred has aggravated due to their deeds only. Time and again I tried to sanitize this all. But they never wanted to be with us, they never wanted to leave all this and just return back to the old days when we were so happy. I used to think before that this is the very good circle i am standing in and everyone loves every other person and they will fall back for any of us whenever an unfortunate time comes. Neverthles to be very honest, I had a doubt inside me regarding some persons and their personal traits. The reason being that I had followed their moves very closely and for a long time which entitled me to make such inference. But I was happy and we were happy.
The days started worsening in the last phase when some people started playing it dirty. they wouldnot understand others. They wouldnot value feeling of others. And why they should? They have never valued, it was our fault that we thought that they cared. I was also an ignorant and i had to suffer for that. Then there was someone who thought so higly of himslef and tried to cast a positive impact on others that he was so deserving. I was different. I had a different mindset. I never thought that he was so good. I was not convinced ever. Moreover when he started praising someone, whom i hated and my friends in a different set hated, the hatred for him and disliking for him just started increasing. And in the end it was proved that i was not wrong at any time.
Now the person responsible for the fallout. Should I say that? Yup I should coz I think that this is the person who was responsible for this state. The transition was painful for many so this para is very importnat ion this story. I can still remember the very first day of my college. My parents were talking to some family and then they introduced me to somone in my batch of opposite sex. I smiled and then moved away. I was shy and I was in a hurry and moreover I was not interested in anything more than a smile. The days were going well. I spotted the person in class and initiated the conversation. The other person couldnt identifty me at first but later i was identified. Friends or should i say acquaintances? The latter would be more precise, I suppose. But by the end of second half of my first year, I must agree that i was a friend. It was going well. I was valuing and I was valued too. I am being very honest in saying that. Neverthless at times somethings used to happen that made me uncomfortable. I started seeing other dimension of the personality. Maybe this was the real one and what I used think was just as deceiving as a mirage in the desert on a hot summer afternoon. Even then I was friends with the person. When the last leg of my studies started here in college, I had started feeling kinda hatred towards the person due to some really disturbing things. I parted ways completely and here from something started which was going to part all of us. Being very honest I dont want to blame this person for all. Many more were responsible but some way or the other way I feel that the script writter was this person. Other have to blamed and that too more or less equally. Alleagtions were made against me and they all satrted from other sources whom I had valued. This masquerading, almost broke me.
I survived all this and i recollected myself and taught myself to be tougher and stronger. The slow and painful deforming relationships were evident and they were not letting any chance go away from their hand, where they can hurt us. I was being a mute spectator. I was helpless as I wasnt able to do anything.
I lost friends and I lost so many memories. The sweetness was lost and so were the dreams. The meaning was lost and so was the feeling.
The lake where we used to enjoy so much. The lake where we laughed, danced, played, mocked each other has been poisoned. The lake we were proud of. The surroundings we were proud of. The associations we felt so good about. This all has been lost. Now I dont even want to go near it.
The people responsible for poisoning still live there, play there, laugh there. But the music of the laughter is not there, the splashes of water is not heard anymore and the chirping of birds is not there. the beauty has lost its face. But they are happy and we are trying to be happy. We still think sometimes but they never. They have erased us and the memories and so am I going to do. They all gonna feel the heat coz they have poisoned something which was valued by others. They all gonna pay form it, right here.
And I am reday to see them suffering from the venom which is inside them. Coz I beleive in GOD.
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