We got this afternoon
You got this room for two
One thing I'd love to do
Discover me, discover you
One mile to every inch, your skin like porcelain
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
I'm so confused
Am I mature enough to handle this? What is maturity at the first place? What is expected behavior of a mature human being? Should I be mature or am I already mature.
If I am mature then shouldn't I grow more mature to handle this soggy situation. I cant decide whether I should talk or not? Whether I should give it a damn or not? Whether I should care or not? Whether I should still keep running or not?
Unanswered questions and unquestioned answers!
I think I am mature enough to handle this coz I hadnled this in a beautiful manner, but then even plastic breaks at the point of elasticity. I was forced to reach beyod the break point and I broke apart. Amazingly I collected myself again and again for hundred times, at least and then I was again broke and then I again held myself.
Maturity demands resilience, I guess. And I have this quality.
Every time you commit a mistake, same one, all over again and again and then when I speak up, you end up saying "theres nothing to shout!" But this happens every time, time and again, each and every day.
If maturity means closing eyes to everything then I may not be mature. And I wont be ever.
For me maturity means smiling even if you have hatred for me and blah blah. For you it means somethign else!
How can you expect the sweetness to return when you live with someone else 24x7. Do you expect some magic? If you expect then let me tell you theres nothing called magic here.
Birds of same feather flock together. Aint it? It is indeed. You have got some one of same feathers as you are. Flock together! Oh, Sorry, you already are :)
I thought we are of same feathers, but then one of us shed his/her feathers. You say its me, I say its you.
This leads to a vicious circle :)
Just a request to him, Why have you mentioned in your Orkut profile that "Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved". You have won all over. You were deemed to win, even before you started playing Idiot. Coz someone was always playing for you. I guess you must be having that level of maturity! See, same feathers philosophy leads me to this conclusion. So can I expect you to remove that from your profile?
And then people suppose me to pull out! Ridiculous, f***ing ridiculous.
You have got brilliant people in your work place an most of them are your new good friends. And you love being with them and expecially him.
I sont when I will grow to leave you completely. See this leads me to the fact that I am not that mature to leave it all behind in the dust. But then dont worry I wont start with someone else. I am not hungry for some parameters, mine was true love.
I know i will meet you years later on that expressway in US, where he and you will be driving (obviusly) and bump me from behind. And then I will see you with him and you will see me with none.
God bless you. Indirectly he is also blessed, nonetheless unwillingly
/\ \ <>
If I am mature then shouldn't I grow more mature to handle this soggy situation. I cant decide whether I should talk or not? Whether I should give it a damn or not? Whether I should care or not? Whether I should still keep running or not?
Unanswered questions and unquestioned answers!
I think I am mature enough to handle this coz I hadnled this in a beautiful manner, but then even plastic breaks at the point of elasticity. I was forced to reach beyod the break point and I broke apart. Amazingly I collected myself again and again for hundred times, at least and then I was again broke and then I again held myself.
Maturity demands resilience, I guess. And I have this quality.
Every time you commit a mistake, same one, all over again and again and then when I speak up, you end up saying "theres nothing to shout!" But this happens every time, time and again, each and every day.
If maturity means closing eyes to everything then I may not be mature. And I wont be ever.
For me maturity means smiling even if you have hatred for me and blah blah. For you it means somethign else!
How can you expect the sweetness to return when you live with someone else 24x7. Do you expect some magic? If you expect then let me tell you theres nothing called magic here.
Birds of same feather flock together. Aint it? It is indeed. You have got some one of same feathers as you are. Flock together! Oh, Sorry, you already are :)
I thought we are of same feathers, but then one of us shed his/her feathers. You say its me, I say its you.
This leads to a vicious circle :)
Just a request to him, Why have you mentioned in your Orkut profile that "Its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved". You have won all over. You were deemed to win, even before you started playing Idiot. Coz someone was always playing for you. I guess you must be having that level of maturity! See, same feathers philosophy leads me to this conclusion. So can I expect you to remove that from your profile?
And then people suppose me to pull out! Ridiculous, f***ing ridiculous.
You have got brilliant people in your work place an most of them are your new good friends. And you love being with them and expecially him.
I sont when I will grow to leave you completely. See this leads me to the fact that I am not that mature to leave it all behind in the dust. But then dont worry I wont start with someone else. I am not hungry for some parameters, mine was true love.
I know i will meet you years later on that expressway in US, where he and you will be driving (obviusly) and bump me from behind. And then I will see you with him and you will see me with none.
God bless you. Indirectly he is also blessed, nonetheless unwillingly
/\ \ <>
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
It all happened one bad night
My system got screwed when I tried to uninstall norton 2003. Last Friday, I came home and decided to surf the net for GCC compilerand network programming resources. But When I switched on my system which has Windows Xp professional (Service Pack2) as primary OS, I was reminded by Norton that my subscription had expired for Norotn 2003. It had expired on 31st January and was reluctant enough to do somethig for that. I decided to un-install it and install a new copy of Norton 2005. Here begins my ordeal :(
I was unsing bit torrent at that moment. I checked in system tray for download speed and it showed 12kbps. I felt good and opened bit torrent to check how much time it is showing for download. I was downloading a movie named Rainman. To my amazement, The torrent listed there was not at all getting downloaded. I was stuck. I checked again in syatem tray icon and it still showed 12kbps. I knew something creepy was going on and I immediately topped bit torrent by exiting it. I knew that some malware/spyware or virus must have been downloaded on my system. In a hurry I again installed Norton 2003. It detected a virus which was new so as happens, it showed me W32.BloodHound. It failed to delete the file and sent that into quarantine. By this time I had unplugged my LAN cable. I decided to go for Norton 2005 as soon as I can. I unistalled Norton 2003 and the files were still in quarantine. I installed a fresh copy of Norton 2005 and then I rebooted my system. As I plugged my LAN cable my system went down with the infamous BSOD error :(
It flagged 0x0A error and the message was DRIVER_IRQL_NOT_LESS_OR_EQUAL.
I was getting irritated and helpless ast the same time. I was clueless as to what happened? I noted down all the error messages ans rebooted with Linux FC5 (I have this also on my system). With Linux the system worked fine and I was able to access internet and LAN from it. I searched google and after lot of research I came to conlucison that I cant find specific answers :) I knew it has something to do with Network as the system went down when I plugged LAN cable. I did a safe boot and then searched for any changed device drivers or hardware device missing. But I could not find any issue. I removed the LAN cable and did a reboot with WInXp. I searched my PATCH folders and saw a file there which was Symantec client security pacth. I thought may be this went missing with uninstall of Norton 2003 and installing it again will fix the problem. I installed this patch. but as usual nothign happened after that also. The only thing chaged after that was the error code on BSOD. Now I started getting 0x7E error with no driver or file mentioned there :(
I spent two helpless nights trying to figure up n fix the problem but I have failed to fix the issue. I even repaired my windows installataion but that also failed to fix the problem :(
Now I am going to do a fresh installation today by formatting C:/ coz after yesterdays repair the system happens to got screwed more as I am not able to open task manager, see device manager settings and many more admin options even after being logged in from admin account !
Seriously windows sucks. They dont know what was the exact cause of error! They dont tell you what are the possible bugs beforehand! They dont tell you what caused the system to behave that way. What they just do is give you 4-5 different things which may have happened and its you who is supposed to figure it up now.
To hell MS!
I will and am going to contribute something for Open Source and Linux instead of working at MS now! Its no more a dream for me to work for MS, until and unless the philosphy changes at MS. It will be more sotthing for my conscience to work for IBM/SUN/GOOGLE as dream company. But one things for sure I will contribute in every way possible for everything thats related to GPL and OSF.
I was unsing bit torrent at that moment. I checked in system tray for download speed and it showed 12kbps. I felt good and opened bit torrent to check how much time it is showing for download. I was downloading a movie named Rainman. To my amazement, The torrent listed there was not at all getting downloaded. I was stuck. I checked again in syatem tray icon and it still showed 12kbps. I knew something creepy was going on and I immediately topped bit torrent by exiting it. I knew that some malware/spyware or virus must have been downloaded on my system. In a hurry I again installed Norton 2003. It detected a virus which was new so as happens, it showed me W32.BloodHound. It failed to delete the file and sent that into quarantine. By this time I had unplugged my LAN cable. I decided to go for Norton 2005 as soon as I can. I unistalled Norton 2003 and the files were still in quarantine. I installed a fresh copy of Norton 2005 and then I rebooted my system. As I plugged my LAN cable my system went down with the infamous BSOD error :(
It flagged 0x0A error and the message was DRIVER_IRQL_NOT_LESS_OR_EQUAL.
I was getting irritated and helpless ast the same time. I was clueless as to what happened? I noted down all the error messages ans rebooted with Linux FC5 (I have this also on my system). With Linux the system worked fine and I was able to access internet and LAN from it. I searched google and after lot of research I came to conlucison that I cant find specific answers :) I knew it has something to do with Network as the system went down when I plugged LAN cable. I did a safe boot and then searched for any changed device drivers or hardware device missing. But I could not find any issue. I removed the LAN cable and did a reboot with WInXp. I searched my PATCH folders and saw a file there which was Symantec client security pacth. I thought may be this went missing with uninstall of Norton 2003 and installing it again will fix the problem. I installed this patch. but as usual nothign happened after that also. The only thing chaged after that was the error code on BSOD. Now I started getting 0x7E error with no driver or file mentioned there :(
I spent two helpless nights trying to figure up n fix the problem but I have failed to fix the issue. I even repaired my windows installataion but that also failed to fix the problem :(
Now I am going to do a fresh installation today by formatting C:/ coz after yesterdays repair the system happens to got screwed more as I am not able to open task manager, see device manager settings and many more admin options even after being logged in from admin account !
Seriously windows sucks. They dont know what was the exact cause of error! They dont tell you what are the possible bugs beforehand! They dont tell you what caused the system to behave that way. What they just do is give you 4-5 different things which may have happened and its you who is supposed to figure it up now.
To hell MS!
I will and am going to contribute something for Open Source and Linux instead of working at MS now! Its no more a dream for me to work for MS, until and unless the philosphy changes at MS. It will be more sotthing for my conscience to work for IBM/SUN/GOOGLE as dream company. But one things for sure I will contribute in every way possible for everything thats related to GPL and OSF.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Relic
It seemed that degree was a relic. We came from all over in search of that piece of paper. Four years and we were through the most importnat phase of our lives. The most important from all perspectives, be it professional, emotional or personal. We all witnessed so many things and were part of a myriad happenings and events that criss crossed our lives. We all were through crests and troughs, sometimes alone sometimes together. We found ourselves surrounded by friends and foes and also found ourselves at times alone. This 4 year perios was a perfect example of a painting which was really colorful having all colors from dark to bright. The shades were perfect, sometimes dark n hard stokes sometimes subtle n soft strokes. They depicted harmony and cacophony at the same time in our lives.
It was painful parting ways in May 2006 after being together for 4 years. It was painful on this 15th January also. Which was more painful? I am not in a position to decide now. Maybe the May06 was more.
That feeling of waering cloaks n reaching up to the stage to recieve that degree was exciting and the enthusiasm was at its peak when we were all hustling each other in the group photograph. Everyone was pressing everyone and a wide smile ws on all's face.
Theres a lot which got buried with that convocation. A lot which will be buried deep in my heart. I wont let it go away but I will preserve all those memories. Relationships were forgotten and broken in those 7 months after May06 and people made new relationships. It was again happiness for some n distress for some. Which group I come is what I should keep upto myself. But those whjo know me and my writtings will be able to know which group I came in.
I am upto more writtings on convocation and college in days to come so keep hooked to read more.
It was painful parting ways in May 2006 after being together for 4 years. It was painful on this 15th January also. Which was more painful? I am not in a position to decide now. Maybe the May06 was more.
That feeling of waering cloaks n reaching up to the stage to recieve that degree was exciting and the enthusiasm was at its peak when we were all hustling each other in the group photograph. Everyone was pressing everyone and a wide smile ws on all's face.
Theres a lot which got buried with that convocation. A lot which will be buried deep in my heart. I wont let it go away but I will preserve all those memories. Relationships were forgotten and broken in those 7 months after May06 and people made new relationships. It was again happiness for some n distress for some. Which group I come is what I should keep upto myself. But those whjo know me and my writtings will be able to know which group I came in.
I am upto more writtings on convocation and college in days to come so keep hooked to read more.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Turn on the heat
When something starts a bit demanding and you feel the heat, it makes you restless. It happens at times when you start on a frenzied note, an endless search whichleads you nowhere but just leaves you in a maze. You are taken for a ride and the ride lands you in a place you seem so mesmerizing and painful. It mesmerizes you, for the simple reason that you feel everything new. It pains coz it was never real or was never the place for you.
When the count becomes a count for your life, you seem no where to hide from that crass countdown. You feel miserable and you feel like hiding yourself like an ostrich. You act foolish as you dont know how to act, how to face the situation or what are the apt words for this position! You just know nothing. You just start uttering gibberish and land yourself in a more hell like situation. More you start to fix it, more it starts falling apart. But you cant leave it that way! You cant risk your life, yes mind you its your life. Isnt it? You feel like having that bone of contention which leads you nowhere.
Somehow, I faced this situation constantly 24x7 for nearly 120 days or so. I became paranoid all the way. I became miserable as I cant concentrate, I cant sleep. I cant even walk with clear mind. I seemed lost.
Lost, is a paradigm. It is so because for you it may have different meaning. For me iot has different. For him.her it has different. When I say lost , I mean I am lost from my soul. I am lost in the woods, where I see no one and see no path at all.
I want peace and want sweetness. I want back those sweet little things and I dont want to share them with anyone.
When the count becomes a count for your life, you seem no where to hide from that crass countdown. You feel miserable and you feel like hiding yourself like an ostrich. You act foolish as you dont know how to act, how to face the situation or what are the apt words for this position! You just know nothing. You just start uttering gibberish and land yourself in a more hell like situation. More you start to fix it, more it starts falling apart. But you cant leave it that way! You cant risk your life, yes mind you its your life. Isnt it? You feel like having that bone of contention which leads you nowhere.
Somehow, I faced this situation constantly 24x7 for nearly 120 days or so. I became paranoid all the way. I became miserable as I cant concentrate, I cant sleep. I cant even walk with clear mind. I seemed lost.
Lost, is a paradigm. It is so because for you it may have different meaning. For me iot has different. For him.her it has different. When I say lost , I mean I am lost from my soul. I am lost in the woods, where I see no one and see no path at all.
I want peace and want sweetness. I want back those sweet little things and I dont want to share them with anyone.
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